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The Top 10 Reasons I Hate MARTA

Satire alert: Like many T-stories, this MARTA story isn’t true but like a T-story, it is funny.

We all hate that afflict the metro Atlanta area.

The problems are numerous and it can only provide a calming intermission when we focus and list the main problems and .

So here are the Top 10 Reasons That I Hate MARTA.

1. Weather Delays. A little rain slows down the commute. Some snow or ice will gridlock MARTA for hours or days.

2. Event overload. Any athletic event, concert, convention, parade, or festival will bring MARTA to a crawl.

3. Rush Hour. It gets longer every year. Bicycles and pedestrians move faster than MARTA at rush hour.

4. Slow Traffic in the Left Lane. What is the matter with these MARTA trains? The left lane is for fast moving traffic not grannies that can barely see over the steering wheel.

5. Debris on the Tracks. Ladders, mattresses, couches, on MARTA tracks will cause a back-up in the wink of an eye. Don’t even ask me about rubber-neckers.

6. Communication Overload. Traffic reports fill up the air waves. (Sky FOX Traffic, Traffic Tracker 2, Commuter Dude etc.) It is a constant on television, radio, and the newspapers. Instead of documentaries about successful schools and corrupt politicians, all we get is a TV crew on a MARTA overpass taking pictures of a train stalled in traffic, or the victim of a hit and run, or the mangled trains resulting from kids racing or another DUI victim.

7. Track Repair. Every repair means another traffic slow-down. It seems that MARTA was built so that it could be constantly repaired. The builders made a little money when they created MARTA but the never ending repairs have put them in the top one percent of income earners.

8. Texting, Using Cell Phones, Drinking Coffee, Putting on Make-Up etc. Don’t MARTA riders realize how much danger they are putting themselves and others in when they don’t focus on their ride? It has been proven that any distraction from a persons commute dramatically increases the chances of a TV crew filming them with blood all over their favorite shirt.

9. Pollution. People in Atlanta, especially kids and seniors, suffer from respiratory illnesses caused by the mega smoke machines known as MARTA trains. Even healthy Atlantans are warned not to go outside to exercise during the daytime for much of the year.

10. Holidays. Every three day weekend means slow MARTA traffic on Friday afternoon and slow MARTA traffic on the following Monday afternoon. Don’t forget Halloween and Black Friday.

* Recently, I was in my car at a red light on Peachtree Road near the Brookhaven MARTA Station looking at the many stop lights in front of me and in my rear view mirror. Cars were stopped at every light. The light would turn green and we would move up to the next light and stop again. Out of the side of my eye I saw a blur. It was a MARTA train flying down the tracks. In the wink of an eye it was out of sight. By the time I got to Lenox Square its passengers were downtown or at the airport.

** Thanks to Otis Brumby and his Marietta Daily Confederate, I realized that when I saw that MARTA blur, that I had just seen the face of evil and felt compelled to write this article about it. It may have been but either way, thanks.

(I also write this article for my new neighbor from Gibson County, Tenn., who is not aware of Cobb traditions. He flies out of Hartsfield-Jackson Airport frequently. He drives to Sandy Springs, gets on MARTA, and is quickly at the airport. He is naively traveling down a path lined with criminals, gridlock, and cost overruns. I can only hope that the Cobb traditional vales of prejudice and ignorance will supplant my neighbor’s misplaced values of common sense and intelligence.)

* This is true.

** This is mostly true.

This post is contributed by a community member. The views expressed in this blog are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Patch Media Corporation. Everyone is welcome to submit a post to Patch. If you'd like to post a blog, go here to get started.

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